Being A Bad Traveller: 8 Ways To Piss Off Your Mates After Travelling

So you’ve just got back from that trip of a lifetime, you’re trying to get back into that routine but you just can’t shake your post trip blues. Here’s eight sure fire ways to annoy your friends in the process:

  1. Simply don’t stop talking about it! Just remember literally any conversation can be spun back round to your two week stint in Thailand. “Have you seen the new Game Of Thrones episode?” “Nah man, they didn’t have a TV in our hostel. I did meet this guy Mark in Koh Phangan. He said he’d been to one of the locations they filmed at! Ah he was such a laugh, you’d have loved him. Funny story: So we’d just taken some shrooms at this full moon party…….”
  2. Pronounce everything relating to your trip in its original mother tongue. “We took the train from Valenthia to Bartheylona after eating some incredible Pie-Ay-A.” Valencia, Barcelona, Paella. You get the gist.

    Thailand Beach Photo
    To be fair Thailand is pretty awesome!
  3. Compare everything to where you were. Especially the price of things! “You paid how much for that beer? You could get a whole crate for that price in India!”Nothing quite improves the experience of paying a fiver for a pint than your mate, still fully clad in harem trousers, pointing this out. Which leads us nicely on to….
  4. Continue to wear clothing from your travels. Yes it might be comfortable. Yes it might remind you of your travels but my God it’s mid January and you’re wearing shorts, a straw hat and a vest adorned with “Eat Sleep Rave Repeat!”
  5. Attempt to speak the language of the country you were just in. You’ve just had two weeks in Minorca and have undoubtedly mastered Spanish. Now you’ve got a hot date you’re trying to impress and she’s picked a Mexican restaurant. Showtime! Of course it doesn’t help that your waiters name is Billy, he’s never been to Spain nor can he speak any Spanish. Plus you’ve just tried to order “Three large umbrellas.”Smooth.
  6. Point out how other people only go on “Holidays” and their trips certainly do not count as “Proper Travelling!” “You haven’t really visited a place until you’ve stayed with the locals…… in the jungle…..in a shack…..with no roof or running water….and definitely no electricity. Everything short of that is essentially just going for a two week stint at a five star hotel!”
  7. Photos Photos Photos! Better than that make a slideshow! And what better way to improve it than some cultural backing music. Or just use the tried and tested theme tune from ‘The Beach.’
  8. Tell everyone how they need to go travelling! You might have only been to Amsterdam for the weekend but that doesn’t matter. You are now the master of travelling and it is required of you to pass on this new found wisdom!

There’s plenty more techniques to annoying your mates after you’ve been travelling these are just the ones that first sprang to my mind (Definitely not because I’m guilty of a whole bunch of them..). If you’ve got any more I’d love to hear them!

Still in spite of all the above you really do need to go travelling! Make sure it’s travelling travelling though and not just a holiday….

Jamaican Homer